Secretary of Ass-Whuppin'

We here at DSFDFPWACPW Inc. are proud to announce we are actively lobbying to get a new cabinet position created. We noticed a major hole in our government's function. Certain parts of it have no business, so funding this new position will be simple. We figured that simply having a Secretary of Defense is simply not enough. That implies we're just going to sit around while the enemy comes at us. So, we are lobbying to create the Secretary of Ass-Whuppin'. We'll lobby to fund it by shutting down the evil Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. We can safely put those overseas threats in their place and smoke our lungs out in the process. We'll gladly supply the smokes, booze, and guns.